Partnership or peril? The intimate bonds that make or break societies

When Valerie Hudson, a professor and expert on international security, spoke with an Afghan woman 15 years ago, the woman she spoke to had been elected to the country’s national assembly and was an accomplished pediatrician. Hudson expected to hear a story of triumph against the odds. Instead, despite her political and professional achievements, the woman revealed a sobering reality: “I could go home today, and if my husband said ‘I divorce you’ three times, I would be divorced. And if he did, I would not have custody of my children because children are given to their father upon divorce in Afghanistan. If he divorced me, I’d have nowhere to live because my father’s family wouldn’t take me back for the shame of it.” (Now, 15 years later, the situation for women in Afghanistan is even worse.)
This conversation with the Afghan doctor and politician led Hudson to a profound realization — that the key to unlocking progress for women and nations alike does not lie exclusively in the halls of power, but starts in the dynamics of the home.
Hudson, a contributor to the Deseret News, was formerly a professor at Brigham Young University and is now a University Distinguished Professor who holds the George H. W. Bush Chair in the Department of International Affairs at the Bush School of Government and Public Service at Texas A&M University. There, she directs the Program on Women, Peace, and Security. She spoke recently at Utah Global Diplomacy’s event on “Bridging Religious Divides” on her findings.
Part of Hudson’s decades of research has resulted in the WomanStats Database. It is the largest cross-national compilation of data, statistics and maps on the status of women worldwide. Organized by country, there are over 315,000 data points, covering 350 variables for 176 countries with populations greater than 300,000. Researchers looked at nine aspects of women’s situation and security: women’s physical security, women’s economic security, women’s legal security, women’s security in the community, women’s security in the family, security for maternity, women’s security through voice, security through societal investment in women and women’s security in the state.
Over the course of her research, supported by a $1.5 million grant from the U.S. Department of Defense, Hudson has uncovered compelling evidence that the relationship between men and women in the home is the “first political order” upon which all other societal relations are built. When this foundational bond is characterized by inequality, violence and subordination, the effects ripple outward, undermining the stability and security of entire nations. Indicators of women’s subordination, such as inequitable family law, tolerance for domestic violence and lack of decision-making power, are strongly associated with a range of national security threats, including political instability, governance corruption, economic strife and violent conflict. “Misogyny,” she said, “sets a template for hatred of others.”
The data is striking: Countries where women face discriminatory family laws, where domestic violence is tolerated and where women lack decision-making power in the home are far more likely to experience political instability, corruption, economic strife and violent conflict. Conversely, societies where men and women share power and resources within the family tend to be more peaceful, prosperous and democratic. Hudson says plainly: “What you do to your women, you do to your nation … and if you curse your women, you have cursed your nation.”
The path to transforming nations, then, begins with transforming gender relations at the most intimate level, says Hudson. When children grow up witnessing their fathers treating their mothers with respect, equality and love, they internalize a model of partnership that can reshape society from the ground up. As Hudson notes, “It may be hard sometimes, but it actually isn’t difficult to love each other, to respect each other. And everything turns out so much better.”
Yet for many women around the world, including the United States and Utah, the household remains a place of peril rather than partnership. The costs of gender inequality and violence in the home are staggering.
In countries where bride prices are common, such as South Sudan, Pakistan and Timor-Leste, the skyrocketing cost of marriage has left many young men frustrated and resentful. Militant groups like Boko Haram have exploited this tension, luring recruits with the promise of kidnapped “brides” who come free of cost. Thus, the subordination of women through practices like bride price directly fuels grievances that can erupt into wider social unrest and conflict.
Even more disturbing are the persistent reports of missing girls in countries like China and India, where sex-selective abortion and female infanticide have skewed population ratios to favor males. Shockingly, it is often mothers and grandmothers who are complicit in these practices, a heartbreaking testament to the depths of internalized misogyny, where they would rather kill a baby that shares their own gender than raise a girl. The resulting gender imbalances have been linked to spikes in human trafficking, crime and social instability — underlining once more how the devaluation of female lives reverberates across society.
Ultimately, the key to unlocking progress lies in recognizing that the fate of women and the fate of nations are intrinsically intertwined. “There cannot be peace between nations until there is peace between men and women and that the roots of many things we value, such as democracy and human rights, are to be found in the character of societal relations between men and women, the two halves of humankind.”